There was no line at Mapco this morning. The parking lot was empty. The coffee was fresh. The counter was free of nacho cheese residue. The cashier was friendly. This was no ordinary Monday.
My commute was pleasant. I did not pass anyone on the right. My obscene gestures were not prompted by anger, but were purely recreational. This was no ordinary Monday.
Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow you will be back. You will leave your mowing company trucks and swarm the Mapco like locusts. You will litter the coffee counter with bread crumbs, mustard, and rubbery stripes of dried cheese. You will stare blankly at the cashier as he tallies the price of your jalapeno dog and Red Bull. You will stand near the ATM machine with your large belt buckle and rat-tail haircut. You will not speak in hushed tones. You know I don’t speak the language.
Tomorrow you will drive in the left hand lane. You will leave your blinker on but never turn. Tomorrow I will pass you on the right. I will flip you off and hurl insults as I go by. I will curse the name you have written on the back window of your truck. I’ll arrive at work pissed off, worked up, and with a sore throat.
But not today. This was no ordinary Monday.
I wish you’d boycott something every fucking day.